friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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