i don't like sucking hair
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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