based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
