Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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