This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
