I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
