I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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