He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Green mimosas i think yes
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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