so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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