when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize