wanna go halves on a baby?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
