this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
