I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
