After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
