btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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