He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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