What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
