i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
