threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
it's great music for shaving your balls
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
