I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
