and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
