you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
