You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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