I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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