WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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