she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Randomize
