Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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