I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
