i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Randomize
