Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
