I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
