I'm going to jail i love you
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
