What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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