Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
