meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
