2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
it was like his penis was on wheels.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
