I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
