True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
