I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
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