i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize