It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
do nipples grow back?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
