Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
