Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
