hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Barsexuality is the new black.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
