What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
