Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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