We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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