is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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