At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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