is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Randomize
