it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
