My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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