It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
