FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
