she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
