No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
