Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
