So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
