guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
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