Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
