its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
