Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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