textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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