I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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