at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
that may or may not have been my penis.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
