I think my vagina is haunted
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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