Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
