Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
