That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
