We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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