Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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