so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
