a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I lost the right to judge tonight
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
