I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
