Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
