Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
